Bundesliga Week 16 Recap: Stuttgart v Bayern 1-2

Go go gadget Gomez – the German Spaniard German striker extraordinaire returned to his former home, Stuttgart’s Mercedes-Benz-Arena (although, based on the ads, it looks more like Porsche Arena), with three gifts in his bag. Also, Arjen Robben is an asshole.

The flu boys were all fit enough to start (and, in fact, all did start), the odd men out were Jerome Boateng, Luiz Gustavo and David Alaba. Yes, Toni Kroos was a central midfielder. That message made me celebrate like the entire Full House family did whenever that annoying girl next door finally left (*Bob Saget reference*).

Stuttgart’s Bruno Labbadia surprised (or not, depending on how closely you follow the club) with a couple of changes, namely Timo Gebhart and Julian Schieber replacing Shinji Okazaki and Cacau. Everything else looked as predicted.

Remember the (stupid) criticism of a week ago? Arjen Robben the egomaniac, Franck Ribery stealing goals, do those things ring a bell? Five minutes were played when I had to laugh (disclaimer: I didn’t laugh) because what happened was the perfect answer to those allegations. Arjen Robben avoids keeper Sven Ulreich but, instead of scoring himself, decides to wait for Mario Gomez. Egomaniacal. Instead of stealing the goal, the winger did the ‘right’ thing and passed the ball to Mario Gomez who…missed. Note to critics: The one who scores is right. Last week, Franck Ribery was right. Gomez’ miss reminded me of Miroslav Klose against who else but Stuttgart last season. Please stop trying to score easy goals against them.

That miss shocked Bayern so much that I predicted a Stuttgart goal. 10 seconds after the prediction, that happened. Cristian Molinaro, not the last time he’s being mentioned, delivered a good cross. When van Buyten and Badstuber were marking one another and Philipp Lahm opted for not attacking Martin Harnik, it was inevitable. The Austrian immediately headed the ball to Christian Gentner who, apparently as invisible as the Hamburglar, was so unmarked that he had no other choice than to score.

The good news: Bayern was angry. Not even ten minutes later, they equalized. A successful Rafinha cross (no need to celebrate, it was deflected by Molinaro) was beautifully converted by Mario Gomez. Because scoring difficult ones is more fun.

Stuttgart was passive. William Kvist was a disappointment. The hosts avoided to attack Kroos and Tymoshchuk so much, my only explanation is that the central midfielders ate lots of garlic on Saturday. Almost every attack was created by the right flank of Arjen Robben and Rafinha (seriously, about time to play like that, little man).

Stuttgart left-back Cristian Molinaro couldn’t keep up with Robben. The Dutchman’s deliberate provocation speed was too much so the Italian, who crossed the ball almost as often in 30 minutes as the entire rest of the team did in 90 (3-4), was sent off after half an hour for a second bookable offense. And yes, they were both totally bookable. That idiot Arjen Robben didn’t give him the ball, he had it coming.

Following that, it was Bayern domination without execution. That damn Sven Ulreich simply refused to give up. How dare you?

The second half was…the same, actually. Bayern wanted a second goal, Stuttgart wanted the draw, Ulreich wanted to be man of the match. When Mario Gomez finally decided to hand out his third gift, goal number two, this match seemed to be decided. Philipp Lahm assisted that goal, by the way, without being in the Costa Rica zone.

Did I say decided? I’m not sure whether they were bored or tired thanks to the flu (or ‘flu’?) but the guys in red then starting playing what passionate van Gaal haters think is as Louis as it gets. Boosting passing stats isn’t that solid, guys.

Fortunately, Stuttgart wasn’t smart enough to equalize, despite Daniel van Buyten pulling a Micho (saying that hurts). I think Little Mario even blocked a shot on the goal line, at least that’s what the girls like to imagine.

All in all, a pretty decent 70 or so minutes. This would’ve been a lot more comfortable had Gomez scored first. However, that he didn’t isn’t a reason to stop defending and even less to stop playing after 70 minutes. Three points for Bayern thanks to not wearing the white shirts. Those things are worse than the silver/gray-ish rags of 1999. Coming up is Köln with the flavor of the month December, Lukas Podolski (4 goals in 2 matches, not counting the times he scored off the pitch). Gotta get down on Friday. And Bochum comes afterwards.

Goals:

  • 1-0 Gentner (6′)
  • 1-1 Gomez (13′)
  • 1-2 Gomez (57′)

Subs:

  • VfB Stuttgart:
    • Cacau (Gentner, 70′)
    • Pavel Pogrebnyak (Schieber, 70′)
    • Georg Niedermeier (Hajnal, 87′)
  • FC Bayern:
    • David Alaba (Ribery, 79′)
    • Luiz Gustavo (Müller, 79′)
    • Jerome Boateng (Robben, 85′)

Team stats (Stuttgart-Bayern):

  • Ball possession: 33% – 67%
  • Shots taken: 5 – 18
  • Passes completed (in %): 157 – 602 (76% – 91%)
  • Corner kicks: 3 – 6
  • Tackles won: 51% – 49%
  • Fouls committed: 16 – 10
  • Distance covered: 110,3 – 114,4

Leading player stats (Stuttgart-Bayern):

  • Touches: Arthur Boka (56) – Toni Kroos (116)
  • Shots taken: Cacau (2) – Mario Gomez (5)
  • Passes completed: William Kvist (23) – Toni Kroos (90)
  • Crosses attempted: Cristian Molinaro (3) – Rafinha (6)
  • Tackles won: Maza (23) – Daniel van Buyten (14)
  • Tackles won in %: Maza (82%) – Daniel van Buyten (78%)
  • Distance covered: Martin Harnik (12,4) – Rafinha (11,1)
  • Fastest sprint in km/h: Martin Harnik (32,6) – Franck Ribery (31,3)

Other Bundesliga matches:

  • Hertha v Schalke 1-2 (Ramos; Huntelaar, Pukki)
  • Bremen v Wolfsburg 4-1 (Papastathopoulos, Pizarro, Rosenberg, Arnautovic; Schäfer)
  • Mainz v Hamburg 0-0
  • Nürnberg v Hoffenheim 0-2 (Ibisevic x2)
  • Köln v Freiburg 4-0 (Clemens x2; Podolski x2)
  • Augsburg v Gladbach 1-0 (Callsen-Bracker)
  • Hannover v Leverkusen 0-0
  • Dortmund v Lautern 1-1 (Kagawa; Sahan)

Next match: Friday v Köln (Bundesliga), 8.30 pm

 

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4 Responses to Bundesliga Week 16 Recap: Stuttgart v Bayern 1-2

  1. Stuttgart actually played with the ten men, and perhaps deserved an equaliser – the absence of Schweinsteiger is still glaringly obvious.

    I have this love/hate relationship with Robben: it’s pure adoration when he pulls off something spectacular, but worthy of a slap when he does something that can be considered embarrassing. Both yellow cards were yellow cards and the dismissal of Molinaro was correct, but we really could have done without the theatrics and the very audible yelp that made Arjen sound like a distressed Yorkshire terrier. Had he pulled off the same stunt wearing an orange shirt I would have happily wanted to punch him.

    I actually quite like the white kit, though we would never have worn it against VfB who play in the same colour. I too hated the “Barcelona 1999” grey.

  2. You are one of the funniest bloggers I have ever read!

  3. “Gräfe owns us” (Bobic) – three words that say it all. Just like Allof’s dumb statements last week, Stuttgart uses Bayern to get some leverage with the refs and the DFL. Worked fine for Werder, Pizarro didn’t get banned and Bobic is suddenly the hero of the media and fans, saying what everyone believes to be the truth: refs favor Bayern. And Arjen will never get a free kick again but he rarely does anyway this season.

    Other than that, I was disappointed with Jupp’s subs. The team was giving the game out of their hands ever since the lead so why not bring someone on earlier? And then to take off everyone who can hold a ball was even worse for the game. I’d rather see us passing around the ball than defending with 11 men and trying to kick the ball out of the box just for it to be played back in 5 seconds later. Thank god, Cacau can’t even net an empty goal.

    So Köln on Friday… 90 minutes sitting through a 0:0 and then we’re officially Herbstmeister😉

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